recovery has taught me, and shown me, how darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. in the days of doin my dirt, as my alcoholism progressed, any kind of inner happiness id wished i had become harder and harder to obtain. in my last days, even with the use of alcohol, it was nonexistent. anger and hate had been my lot for so long, if i ever felt anythin that brought me comfort, those two emotions were what made me feel alive. and oh, that drove the loneliness that seemed to blossom into depression, mental, and emotional illness. and just how did those fears my alcoholism wrought seem to create even more problems for me. i wanted to feel a happiness within in my early recovery. it was expressed by my sponsor that happiness was a by-product of livin the right kind of a life. i could see it in the people he hung around with at the meetins he would drag my ass to. no matter how hard i tried to force inner peace of mind and inner happiness, it drove it further away from me. i wanted what he and his posse had; that freedom to smile and laugh from within, outward. as i learned, and we talked about, how i could use the spiritual principles of honesty, hope, and faith, to create the inner happiness they seemed to have, it was through actually tryin to live differently than i ever had before, i began to feel the lightheartedness of freedom so i could have peace of mind and be happy within. those early times of my recovery are days i get to look back upon and know they are whats given me the peace of mind and inner happiness i have today. they are always here, open, and free to me today. all i have to do is use the spiritual principles to obtain them. with good attitude and outlook, the things which come to me when i put myself in my HPs hands are better than anythin i could have ever planned. today, i get to respond to life with calmness and a lovin frame of mind. 1 day @ a time...
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