my daily reflections…

after i had sobered up and started watchin the people around me who were sober with quality recovery, i began to notice that they were not goin through some of the stuff i had been goin through. at least if they were, they did not display it; i wondered what they had that i didnt. i found out it was faith; faith in somethin other than themselves. well i wanted that too. so, i began the process of havin faith and believin that God could and would if i let him. today i continue because it has worked so well. all that was asked of me is if i was willin to believe that there was a power greater than myself. now of course i had always fought passionately against powers that were greater than i, usually anybody that was an authority figure in my life. so, in my own mind anythin, that i was posed to believe was greater than i, would just have to suffer cause i wasnt fixin ta bend fer anybody. breakin lifelong beliefs, ways of life, and self-will, was a hard thing for me to do; it just wasnt gunna happen overnight. as i looked around the rooms i seen others in the fellowship with a high quality of life and recovery, who had broken their own will and beliefs to save themselves from the destruction they were facin, the same destruction of life i was faced with. after watchin and listenin i finally concluded if they had done this impossible task of breakin self-will, i could do the same. i too could become willin to fill the void i had felt for so many years of my life. so, my journey into a life of recovery began. 1 day @ a time…