one of the things i had to do was abandon my entire well thought out plans and designs if i wanted to get this thing and change fer the better. everythin i thought i had ever done and thought was wrong. it led me down a path of destruction, not only fer me, but the people around me who trusted me and loved me the most. i had to fully concede defeat and try another way. i am grateful fer this 12-step program and my sponsor who loved me and showed me a better way of life. as long as i follow His lead i know i will not fail again. i remember comin home that sunday afternoon after layin all the shit out to my sponsor and doin as he suggested i do, which was to look at all the things i had written down about steps 1-5. as i did this he suggested that i read steps 6 and 7 from the big book and recite the prayer they offered. leanin upon my newfound honesty, hope, faith, courage, and integrity, i laid into the true willingness of what the program has to offer. it was like lettin go of even more of my lifes will than i had before. it felt like a wave of cleanliness i had never felt before. at that point i decided to be as open as possible with my HP and others. the feelin of bein totally free to be me was then, not only my goal, but my passion as well as my mission. i cannot explain in words how i felt that day, exhausted, free, happy, empty, i dont know how to explain it. what i do know is that on that day i became a new person. today i still continue to do as i did that day, let go of life and live as spiritually peaceful and free as possible. 1 day @ a time…
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