i remember the knot i had tied myself up in when i first came into the rooms. i reckon the reason i can recall it vividly is because i can still tie myself up like that, though nearly not as bad, but i can tell when ive let go and let joel. it took some...
It's funny sometimes how our minds just can grind away at things. Round and round, like a rock tumbler polishing quartz. I'm an introvert and as an introvert, I tend to digest conversations for months in the back of my mind. I don't know if this is healthy or not. I have not taken time...
today i understand that i had never had much control over the events of my life. i sure as fuck thought i did, but when i honestly look at my past, i can see i had none. self-will had always placed people, places, and things as control items for me to follow without me even...
10 Months ago, I had entered a 30 day treatment center in Colorado. After 30 years of ups and downs with alcohol. I had spent 13 years sober in my life, relapse sent me reeling into another 9 years of moderate to heavy drinking, short burst of sobriety, then it would get worse. The Merry...
Ah the loneliness does wind up catching us all. During our time out in the wild drinking in the dark alone, hiding because we are ashamed. Then the loss of friends and love ones follows. Then during recovery they come and go like fall leaves drifting in the wind. Add in a relapse and it...
Journaling today I stumbled upon something. A.A. isn’t what I thought it was. God also isn’t who I thought he was And it made me wonder how many other things all these years I’ve misjudged. How many things has my perception of reality isn’t equivalent with reality. My answer could be just about everything! This...
i recall how faith came harder for me. i know i may have had it as a young un, but i turned by back on God late in my teens, cause i thought i knew better. throughout my 20s & early 30s, faith had turned from me to whiskey, from whiskey to me, and back...
i had to surrender when i came in this last time. though it still took a little time to surrender, bits of surrender came as i continued to try. it took willingness to survive in a different way, a concept i was beginnin to become familiar with. it was strange, it was like it meant...
Well, my new nickname when I had one drink. Brian California … a rolling blackout. It wasn’t always like that. I did drink a lot before but didn’t go into such a deep dark hole of waking and drinking. I’m trying to think back when that started. I think it was the beginning of the...
i have tried to stay sober by myself, i could NOT do it. the only way i have been able to maintain my recovery up to this point is with the help of others in recovery. even as i may have support from friends and family outside of recovery, i still need to nurture and...