I'm not saying that this is perfect for everyone because for sure it is not the right thing to do for most humans.
Hi, Deb here newly spiritually awakened human BEing on planet earth. I'll be honest here and now for I was headed for my ten years of sobriety from alcohol when I saw myself and my own morality in a really horrible place where I had to make a decision that was going to affect more than just me (nicely put of course) I am in a state of constant meditation now and all that has been coming in from out there in the cosmos good, bad, both sometimes. Discernment and thinking sometimes has to be done before a choice can be made for oneself and whomever they are connected to.
I bought a bottle and stared at it for a few hours in here yesterday. Then (in my what was the now moment) the not so honest person that I am married to ignored me most of the day other than asking me to partake of some lies of which I had to say "NO, I won't partake of any of that" and that was how it all started.
I had to collect the old me and pick her up and hold her for a while in order to see this situation for what it is, a trip headfirst into my own fear of not being safe. I am not safe here and this is the problem. DUH Deb!
I am on day 1 with my drug of choice alcohol and I AM okay with it. I allowed this issue to consume me, and I tried to drink it away because I didn't want to raise that flag and give up and bow down to what I myself can't live with anymore and I'm tired of trying to force myself to do just that.
THIS IS NOT FOR EVERYONE TO DO in fact, I don't recommend it to anyone. I myself feel that I needed to do what I did in order to have my WHOLE self be in agreement with what I have to do next.
I'm actually feeling pretty good about the whole thing this morning for I felt like I was suppressing a part of me so, while on this "high horse" so to speak I had a perspective that I wasn't fond of looking at nor referring to. No one is perfect, its one freaking day at a time and all we have is NOW.
So technically I knocked myself off that high horse yesterday literally.
Do I have a desire to drink now? Oh hell no! lol the only thing I did enjoy was not so much worrying about being quiet in my own room. I found in this experience that I wasn't giving that suppressed part of myself any attention at all and so was denying a perspective with in me that has been there my whole life and she is afraid and I needed to meet her on her ground. NOT FOR EVERYONE.
I'm not perfect, I am a human :) Today I LOVE ALL OF ME, good and bad. For both sides of me could NOT do what was being asked and I know now that the fear is there for a reason, to get over and move on with a joyous life that I AM knowing IS mine to enjoy everyday always.
https://music.youtube.com...
Namaste
Deb
