Loneliness is also identified by O’Connor as an emotional state that affects the mind, body and soul. After giving up our addictions, we feel empty and we seek to fill that emptiness with other people because we don’t have any trust in ourselves. We can be lonely in a room full of people, but when
When thinking about my own story of recovery, it became clear that these two topics were connected. Not only was I an alcoholic and prescription drug addict, but I also was a workaholic. I didn’t want to be alone with me, so I had to keep myself preoccupied. I often stayed late at work and came home to help with homework and put the kids to bed. (Their father gave them dinner that I had prepared the night before.) While preparing lunches and dinner for the next day, I would take a little something to take the edge off. Once my “chores” were done, and my then-husband had gone to bed for the night, I would retire to the basement steps with my bottle of wine and drink until I passed out. Then I would come to and go up to my bed. This was both a state of exhaustion and loneliness. I had to stay busy to keep from feeling my feelings. Once the recovery process began, I started to see the exhaustion but felt helpless to do anything differently. Likewise, when I started to feel lonely even in the company of others, I wanted to be alone but I was terrified. In all my life I had been somebody’s daughter, sister, girlfriend, wife or mother. I had never been just me. I had never lived on my own. I didn’t know what I liked or didn’t like because my desires were never important. I didn’t even know my favorite color.
Rosemary gives us many tools to help with both the issues of exhaustion and loneliness, many of which I have used in recovery and can highly recommend. First, she suggests that we learn that the word “No” is a complete sentence. We don’t have to do everything for everyone. Unless our children are very young, they can start to do things to help us. Rosemary uses the phrase “That’s not in my job description.” My two favorites are “That is outside my hula hoop” and “Not my circus…not my monkeys.” You get the idea. She also recommends naps. I know that sounds bizarre to many but I can verify that a “power nap” in the middle of the afternoon works wonders. It can truly change the way you interact with others, especially your kids.
Rosemary O’Connor founded ROC Recovery Services, which provides recovery coaching, life coaching, consulting, and treatment placement. Rosemary has a B.A. in psychology, is a Certified Professional Coach, a Certified Addiction Recovery Coach, published many articles on addiction recovery, appeared on TV and numerous radio shows.
In 2015, Hazelden Publishing released her new book, A Sober Mom’s Guide to Recovery
7 Comments
Great piece… having 3 children all teens now.. I remember the exhaustion, and the running around still continues!!!! Thanks for this!
Glad it reached you! I think it truly does speak to most of us. Hope you are no longer that exhausted!
Great piece! Relatable.
Thank you. O’Connor writes in a way with which we can all identify. Highly recommend the book.
I read this book in inpatient treatment and until your article forgot all about it! I just got my kids back from foster care and NEED to read her book again!!! Thanks for the article!
Great news! Enjoy your kids and enjoy her book…both are VERY WORTH IT!
Hey my name is sarah and im a recovering addict, i am starting a blog and was hoping I could use a picture I found linked to your website? It has a woman sleeping on a chair with kids toys all around her. It is perfect for one of my posts. I would truly appreciate it!