March 9, 2012
Before I came to the rooms of NA I really didn’t know a whole lot about having gratitude for much of anything or anyone. Everything was always everyone elses fault and I never wanted to take responsibility for anything. All I cared about was getting high all of the time and it didn’t matter who I hurt in the process or how badly I had hurt them. I wasn’t worried about how they felt, hell I wasn’t worried about how I felt so why should I worry about them. I didn’t seem to think anyone really cared much about what I was doing, atleast if they did, I didn’t notice.
I was always worried about how I was going to get my next fix or how I was going to make it through the next day. Constantly waiting on payday to come so that I could blow every last dollar from my paycheck on dope and not care one single bit about paying any bills or worry about all of the fines that needed to be paid or anything for that matter. It’s funny how it doesn’t matter to us until the cops come knocking on the door with that warrant and then the manipulation kicks in and this mastermind of a story comes out of our mouth that breaks their hearts. Yet, they still put those cold steel bracelets around your wrist entirely to tight and squeeze you into the back of that cop car and haul you off to jail. You some how manage to plead with the judge to let you out and the insanity of it all is that you go right back out there and start doing the same thing all over again and don’t even give it a thought. That is the power of this disease. That is addiction at it’s best right there. Constantly nagging at you until you give in to it, picking at your brain over and over again until you finally just go and get high. Until finally, one day it all just clicks and recovery kicks in and takes over and you fight.
Recovery is about living in today. It is about letting go of the past and not stressing about tomorow. It is about living in the moment, for the moment. Recovery teaches us how to be grateful for who we are and for what we got. It teaches us that we are not bad people we just make bad choices and now that we have an education on how to fight this disease we don’t have to make those choices anymore. We can fight this disease. We have the ammo, we have the firepower and all the support we need is right here beside us helping us all the way. There are so many things in this life to be grateful for these days and being clean and sober is a HUGE one of those.
We have the education and now we have to use it, we have to use that fire power and that ammunition that they give us in the rooms of NA/AA or any recovery program that you may be in to fight against the disease of addiction. It is an extremely powerful disease that has the ability to change our mind at the blink of an eye, we just can’t let it. Let go of the past and don’t worry to much about tomorrow. It will get here when its time for it to come. Live in today and be grateful that you woke up and be grateful that your clean to enjoy this day with your friends and family. Be grateful that you have the opportunities that you have today. Be grateful of the small things in life. Let your friends and loved ones know how grateful you are that they are in your life today and that they stood by you through the best of times and through the worst of times. If for no other reason than to see a smile on their faces.
Here is a lil poem I wrote when I was back in rehab. Today is all we have and recovery is number one in my life and if I remeber this poem daily it helps me out a lot with my attitude and with making it through the day. It has a lot of depth to it if you really read it and are in recovery like most of us are. Hope it helps:
Gratitude…….Just for today
Just for today, I don’t have to have a craving!
Just for today, my life can be absolutely amazing!
Just for today, I have a true power from above!
Just for today, I can show myself and others true love!
Just for today, I will live better with society!
Just for today, I can thank that on my sobriety!
Just for today, My drug doesn’t have to kill me!
Just for today, I can let Gods will to be!
Just for today, I don’t have to be rejecting!
Just for today, I can choose to be accepting!
Just for today, I don’t need to be confused!
Just for today, My mind can be amused!
Just for today, I don’t have to have a bad attitude!
Just for today, I can have lots and lots of gratitude!
By: Ronnie Colvin Jr.
It’s all about today and what we do with it while were in it……….