I began writing my book, Miracles of Recovery, out of desperation.
My daughter, Laura, passed away from a lung disorder called Idiopathic Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension (for which there is still no cure). Then, six short weeks after her death, my baby brother died from alcohol and drug addiction. After these tragedies, all of my immediate family was gone—it was just me and my dogs. Driven by fear and the blatant realization that I had no time to lose in life, I began searching for an RV to travel cross-country in.
In early spring of the year following Laura’s death, my two dogs and I set out for a cross-country trip in a Toyota Motorhome RV. I drove from Tallahassee, Florida to Oklahoma, then continued to the majestic state of Wyoming. Every day was exciting and exhausting—driving was draining in and of itself. In the late afternoons, without much else to do, I would pray, and write.
As an alcoholic/addict still in so much pain from the loss of my family, I felt more alone than I had ever been. I asked my God to be with me as I wrote and cried a million tears. But with every page I wrote, regardless of the topic, a transformation took hold. I felt hope.
Hope, because I understood that indulging in my addictions would probably kill me.
Hope, because I knew (without “really” knowing) that I had work to do.
Hope, because no matter how alone or sorrowful I felt, I knew that tomorrow was a new day and everything would pass, if I let it!
Each day, driving through eight states with prominent mountains and magnificent lakes, I wrote, and I cried. And through the pain, gratitude was born. I felt as if my God was writing with me. With each mark of my pen, the paradox of pain, gratitude and strength beyond measure transformed both myself and my writing. Each day, I became spiritually awakened through the power of embracing my God as I compiled thoughts, feelings and experiences. And over the course of these seven weeks, Miracles of Recovery was born.
Miracles of Recovery
We have all experienced overwhelming pain, stress and miracles. Miracles of Recovery is, at its very core, a book of hope and inspiration. Each of us who faces tough situations, and especially during these most fearful and terrifying of days, will find a measure of comfort and peace within Miracles.
This is a book born of spiritual intoxication. They were not my words—my words would have been crass, harsh and void of compassion. In producing the framework of the topics, I surrendered completely to my God. I was a vessel for words, with the purpose of giving others strength and encouragement.
Miracles is for everyone: for those still in active recovery, sitting on the fence, contemplating whether to jump in or run. It is for the old-timer, and for the family and friends of alcoholics who, just like me, have suffered their own personal and agonizing hell because of our destructive activities, and who now find that they, too, are alone and lonely.
I will always be recovering from my own addictions. While approaching 21 years clean and sober, sober-time means very little on any given day. I’m convinced that we are either moving closer to our addiction or walking further away, depending upon our spiritual condition in that 24 hours.
Miracles during uncertain times
If you are in addiction recovery, you, just like me, are most likely experiencing some of the most intense and fearful times of your life. So many of us either feel too much or not enough! And without places like In The Rooms and our 12-step programs of action, I know what fear can do for us and where it can take us—emotionally, physically and spiritually. I know, because even though I’m sober, my emotional sobriety continues to be tested, and I’ve walked over and stood at the edge of that plateau, overlooking the deep crevasse.
If you read with an open mind, Miracles of Recovery can bring you back from that ledge.
For the next several weeks, or until this terrifying virus passes (as it eventually will!) I want to share my experience, strength and hope with you. I’d like to help remind you that, with an open heart, you will find a way to rise above fear, stay the course and have faith. While it may feel lonely, we are not walking alone.
Listen to some free readings from my book here, and enjoy a free calendar with daily messages of hope, courage and faith. If you like what you hear, please check out the full book, available for a special discounted rate right now!
When I walked into room of AA I expected I would be healed and put back together for the next person and be on way . While 13 years later I can and want to say . I live the life beyond my wildest dreams. I am so glad I waited for the miracle to happen. I met the spirit of the universe and people I learned to have a relationship with.
keep putting your hand out and drink that aweful coffee. Love to you all. Stay healthy
Thank you for helping me. I look forward to your book. I am alone with my dog, Buck, and I know he listens to me, but he can’t talk to me. Lots of love and encouragement to you. – Lewis
I think your story is amazing thanks for sharing
My 31 years of recovery have been a spiritual journey of self discovery. I thought I knew who I was, but I had no clue. I was a frightened little girl hiding behind a kaleidoscope of masks I had learned growing up in a “normal” (dysfunctional) home. I was the eldest; my brother, two and a half years younger than me; our rage-aholic Mother and our high-functioning, alcoholic Father made up our little family. Mother lived vicariously through me; misdirected the anger she felt toward the husband she was financially dependent upon, towards my little brother. I assumed the role of protecting and nurturing my sibling. As long as I did what Mother wanted me to do all was well.
Harriet Hunter’s synopsis of her book, Miracles of Recovery, may be similar to my own story in recovery. I saw God moving in my life before and after I walked into the rooms of recovery. My faith (believing in something unseen yet hoped for) grew as a muscle responds with proper use.
I listened and believed what I heard at meetings and in my readings. I have done many things wrong in all those years, however, I never took any addictive substance into my body ever again. I never stopped attending meetings or talking to people in recovery almost daily. I prayed like it all depended upon God but worked like it all depended upon me. I learned about the many paradoxes in recovery: When I think I am strong – my knees are about to crumble underneath me; when I am powerless, I am most strong (because I will turn to my HP or people in recovery); when I remain teachable, I will remain in the program; when I know it all, my chances of leaving are greater; when I am satisfying my EGO; I am Easing God Out; when I know my place as it relates to God; He humbles me rather than humiliates me. There are many more.
Thanks you to all of those who have gone before me. I hardly ever have an original thought anymore. Most of the wisdom I am credited with, I learned from someone in the rooms.
Thank you for your words of hope and inspiration. Death of a loved one is perhaps the most difficult emotional pain, especially your daughter and brother crossing so closely together. It takes a lot of courage to venture out into the unknown , as well as meeting and experiencing deep grief. Keep the light shining!