…..too damn much sometimes.
I don’t want to accept facts from my past or indeed my present. It breaks my heart and makes all of my demons get excited about what may come next.
Feelings may not be facts, but it’s a damn fact that I feel deeply. Past hurts trigger my “I’m not good enough” demon who languishes in the pleasure of my self-harm. The alcohol, the drugs, the harmful relationships, the endless self berating.
Hurts from my present are the same as those from my past and make me anxious, irritable and sometimes aggressive. My past is my present and vice versa.
I don’t want to accept.
I don’t want to feel.
But what is the alternative?
All answers welcome.