I want to hold you and to hug you

The mom I knew
The one who came to all my recitals and who
Walked up and down the aisles at every assembly
To get a better picture,  a better view
The mom I knew
****
Where are you now, I wonder?
The mom I knew
I’ve been turning up all the couch cushions and looking
Between the pages of every book
On shelves unread
Still brand new
The mom I knew
****
I want to sit and listen to
The mom I knew
The one who told me Bible stories
Who spun yarns
And fables with small details
Tall tales–none of which were true
The mom I knew
****
I want to share my life with
The mom I knew
I want her to congratulate me on my new job
The mom I knew
****
I want her to seek me out and care
To leave a light on
To hold a space for me
To express how much she misses me
And wished I were there
****
…to invite me for dinner
Fix me a meal
To pay me an unexpected visit
To join me at the beauty parlor to do our hair–
****
But that’s a mom I’ll never know
I can cry until I’m blue
She was just a fantasy
They tell me she exists…
****
…in me.
****
The mom I knew
Author

4 Comments

    • I can’t speak to the purpose o the intentions but i know i can relate to this. i am a child of an addict. I lost my mom to her active addiction and I’ll never know a lot of what its like to have that type of relationship however i can live that out with my own children. this poem does have an aura of hope

  1. Deborah Allin Reply

    Because its very pertinent to emotional recovery the loss or absence of a loving mother.

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