Sometimes, in the middle of hard times, it feels like I’ve been heartbroken forever. So much heartbreak. The type that makes your breath stop and forces a tsunami of rage to swell out of your belly. You know the type. I’ve often felt like my brain is breaking in two from the distress and loss of whatever it is that is breaking my heart. Your heart tries to save your brain and your brain tries to save your heart but so deep is the fear both are paralyzed. You feel like you may die as you try to make sense of what’s happening. Nothing makes sense.
Loss equals heartbreak. The two are intrinsically tied. Without one the other cannot live. Without loss heartbreak doesn’t exist. Without heartbreak loss is not felt. It is in these moments that we understand and learn lessons. These most treacherous moments of raw emotion take us to the place of wisdom. We fully understand the depth of love, anger, passion and life when we are at our most vulnerable. I detest that place and yet I meet myself fully in that space. I can’t stay there too long though, or I may not make it back.
Life will pull you back out eventually. It will grab you by the back of the neck and shake you from the intoxication of deep pain. Something else needs your attention. Deep breaths, a shrug of your shoulders, the light penetrating your heavy eyelids. Something wants to save you – let it.