Consistency and Commitment – The Cure for Relapse

In recovery, there are many different levels of awareness and involvement. There are also may predictable patterns and ego traps such as the Dry Drunk, Better Than Complex or Pink Cloud. When helping others it is important to know the signs and risks of each. I would like to make the main point of this post first. The people who are chronic relapsers have failed to create a new healthy addiction for themselves, one that encourages daily self-awareness and growth. It must be something we can fully commit ourselves to, something or combination of things that remind us of powerlessness and our ultimate goal to heal and accept everything. It needs to be something we feel we cannot live without, replacing a destructive addiction with a healthy one. The next thing I would like to mention is the tendency for people to relapse as they approach or begin a fourth step. In step four, we are asked to look at the things that we have been avoiding while we were trapped in the addiction. These things are our traumas and are simply defined by Alcoholics Anonymous as our resentments and character defects. Journaling and discussing these things with someone safe is a crucial part of the process of learning acceptance. It absolutely works if we work it, sadly fear and dysfunction keep most people from following through completely and as often as needed. We people of trauma and dysfunction seem to lack the self-discipline and faith to make daily healthy choices and instead, fall prey to our impulses and life circumstances. Pink Cloud is a condition that is common for newcomers, though possible in later years of recovery. It is a sensation that tells us that everything is going to be okay and that life is all better now. This is a dangerous and destructive belief for many, because sooner or later we need to face one of our traumas again and that is when we feel like life is a punishment and we are unworthy. Wounded people often take their feelings as signs of how well they are doing in life and if it feels awful, we must be doing something wrong. The trouble with this belief is that it is not grounded in reality. In reality, life hurts and some of us process our emotions more easily than others. Many people in fact refuse to cry, they say they can't as if that part of them is gone or they are already dead. In truth, the tears are not gone, they are trapped and until they are released. Ultimately, we need to look at every single thought that is hurting us and cry about it until we return to peace. These same people are often passive aggressive and have equally difficult time expressing anger in a healthy constructive manner. It may be necessary to release the anger first in targeted bursts of rage before we can begin to recognize the real hurt we are experiencing. Better Than Complex is also based on confusion. Humans often believe that if they are feeling better, they are doing better. Furthermore, if they are doing better than other people then they ARE better than other people. In their minds, Better Than is measurable and justifiable. People in Better Than Complex often want to tell you what you are doing wrong and how you need to do things differently because they know better than you. If you doubt it, they will brag about just how much better than you they are and all the reasons why, because they have been thinking about it. In recovery, people in Better Than Complex may make it a point to mention their years of clean time and how many meetings they have been to. They may belong to a Winner's Circle and hang out with the same group of people at the same meetings week after week while they help no one and learn nothing. I tell those folks, your clean time means nothing to me because the world record for clean and sober is still, 24 hours for everyone. There is no seniority in recovery so go eat a dick. That is my Ego, talking to directly to their Ego, my trauma telling their trauma that I am not impressed and do not care. There is nothing wrong with doing measurably better than other people, the issue is bragging and denial Bragging, shows me a lack of gratitude and respect for the feelings of those still suffering. I leave the braggers alone until they target me with their bullshit, then I light them up in front of all their pals. It works for me, because I do not go to meetings for them. I show up for myself and the newcomers because that is how my conditions get better, not better than. The final message is the same as the beginning. We need daily routines that tune us into peaceful thinking and self-awareness. If you are not ready to write out your inventory, practice confessing to your sponsor or recovery partner until you are. Talk about it until you are ready to write about it, then talk about it again. We need to get the negative thoughts out of our minds and expressed or they fuel sickness and relapse. There are really only two types of addicts/alcoholics, those who are recovering and those who are trapped in their sickness. Please for your sake, learn to stay consistent with some type of your recovery and do not give up on it because it seems like it stopped working. Instead, add to it or improve it, just never let yourself go without some type of recovery every day. Thank you, bless you and best wishes. Rev. Jeff Rounds for Mixed Recovery, Inc.