Denial – How do you know if you are in Denial?

Because I care deeply I want to assure you, everyone I have ever met and I am quite certain the entire planet is in denial about something. I can guarantee it, because it is not possible for any one person to know every loss first hand that has ever been experienced, at best we can empathize. There is nothing that compares to the experience of first hand loss, it is very deep and personal and the words are different for everyone. So let's openly talk about our denial, grieving and how to spot the stages of grief. First, think of denial as Lack of Emotional Intelligence, it is really that simple. Once we have complete emotional intelligence, we are in acceptance. Denial and all of the stages of grieving are exhibited in very predictable patterns. In complete denial, people brag. Where there is loss either real or perceived, the mind enters into the bargaining stage and employs the use of Ego aka Logic, Will and Desire to keep what we want. Until we reach Surrender and let go of something, technically we are still in denial After surrender, we reach acceptance. I will walk you through a quick grieving process with an everyday example. Denial - You are at a restaurant with friends and bragging about how great the food is Bargaining - Wait, this is not what I ordered and you complain to the staff Surrender - You are offered a replacement meal and a free dessert, you are willing to let go of the desire to complain and your angst Acceptance - The replacement meal is wonderful, and so is dessert, you leave a better tip than normal That was a quick and easy grieving process because complaining was able to produce a reasonable solution. What if it didn't? How long would we complain, how long would we cast spells of doubt and judgment, how long would we suffer before we let go of getting what we wanted? That formula can be applied to anything. Now discuss let's discuss the individual stages and why they are so frustrating. Denial - When people are in complete denial, they tend to brag. Bragging is a clear sign that they are holding shame and esteeming themselves with things outside of themselves. Honest people do not brag, because they understand the harm it causes. Bragging also shows a lack of faith, empathy and self-awareness meaning, bragging shows that we do not see the harm in what we are saying but it is because we have not considered the impact we are having on others. If someone is struggling with a sense of lack, hearing someone brag is their least favorite activity and brings up almost instant feelings of resentment. On a core level, all of us know this is true. It is important to note that whether denial is intentional or not, there is the common element of lacking emotional intelligence. Bargaining - Is still in denial, but now we are feeling something about it and normally our first response is defensive. When triggered, denial sounds like "I do not have a problem, you do". In the bargaining stage of grieving people tend to complain. They are explaining all the things they cannot accept and revealing their personal traumas. There is something very interesting that happens in the bargaining stage, we become honest in thought before we become honest with our feelings and so many people are constantly bargaining, their minds filled with judgments and worry about things that really do not matter. Bargaining is where all the suffering begins, and we continue to suffer until we finally let go and surrender to the pain of loss. Complaining is a healthy and needed part of grieving provided we have the intention of letting go. Surrender - All hope is gone, there is nothing left to hold on to and we cry and sometimes rage. In surrender, the thoughts we have been pushing away finally overwhelm us and our mind splits, going from thinking one way to suddenly thinking the opposite way after and only after, we have cried and complained enough about each loss. In surrender, the emotions, thoughts and beliefs we once held to be true are now over and a completely different reality unfolds allowing something to replace our suffering with Peace. When people lose their temper or lose their ability to hold back tears, they become very honest because the truth is life hurts. Surrender is the most sincere form of human expression, it is humbling and needed to heal the Ego. Acceptance - Now we know. Now, we understand. Now, we realize there was never a problem that this is how life works and that life hurts. The more we can accept, the less we suffer because in acceptance all bargaining ends. It is no longer maybe I can have what I want, we know what we can have with certainty and often what we want has nothing to do with it. In acceptance people realize, we are always receiving what we need. In acceptance, we are honest, have no desire to cause harm, do not judge and are not attached to anything, aka open minded. Does that make sense? Are you receiving something from this post? As I write I am intentionally inserting message of peace into your subconscious mind, describing this process from the perspective of acceptance. Can you tell the difference, have you noticed? Read some of my other posts and you will see all behavior as I see it eventually. Everyone is communicating from where they are in the grieving process and it changes from moment to moment and topic to topic. At any time, any one of us could be caught bragging, complaining, crying or confessing. The more we are confessing, the more acceptance we are showing. Yes, it is that simple and I can describe it 100 different ways, but the formula at it's root is simple. Bottom line is, if something is causing us harm, we need to let it go. The more we can let go, the more honest and peaceful we all become and the healthier we become as well. Join me? Rev. Jeff Rounds for Mixed Recovery, Inc. Note: When I am complaining, generally I am speaking for myself. I try to focus on confession for the company blogs.