In a room

It was said today "we are the lucky ones to be in this room" Lucky is an interesting word. In the past, I defined it as opportunity meeting preparation. Maybe so maybe not. As stated before, I need to question everything I had believed in the past. Yet the word lucky struck me. You see, when I was at the hospital a number of years back, then thrown in detox... I didn't consider myself lucky. Perhaps I was at the time...The Alcoholic seed had been planted in my brain and I didn't want to admit it. I wanted to be "normal". So, I continued every trick in the book to prove I was normal. Spoiler Alert..I'm Not. When I was arrested for my DUI years ago, at the time I didn't consider myself lucky. That cost a lot of money and my job... Was that lucky? I look back and think it was. If I had continued, I would have killed someone or myself. Again, a year of probation, I got popped on my test for booze twice and had to wear an ankle bracelet for two weeks. SO tight, I couldn't sleep. Should have worn work boots in to get it fitted...Anyhow, was that Lucky? Again, that seed that had been planted started to grow. Through all the state run classes. All the times I tried to sober up and how sick I was. The hallucinations, night sweats, my night terror dreams were so frightening I wouldn't sleep. Its the poisons way of not letting you go. I knew If I had 6 be beers or a few shots I'd be fine and dandy and ready to go again. Was that lucky? I have put myself through the DT's about 6 times in my life to try to stay sober. 11 months ago, I was again medically brought down in a 30 day treatment center. That place was great. I learned a ton about myself. Did I apply it? At first, but then I drifted away. No accountability. No Spirituality. So, after the relapse, I put myself up in a Hotel room and detoxed for what I had hoped was the last time. Same old story, racing heart, sweats, visions, panic attacks, night terrors, dry heaves...for five days. Most people say to me well why would you drink again and go through all of that... I say this from the most inner part of my being. If I had not found God and this Program, I wouldn't have my 20 days today. I could not do this alone. I was a broken man with no hope and ready to give up, die or go to jail just to get away from the grip of alcohol. It's that powerful. My name is Brian, I'm an alcoholic. I am powerless over alcohol. I can not quit without the Grace and Mercy and Love of God. I need this fellowship to share and help others feeling how I felt... Hopefully before they get to the end of the rope like I and so many others have. So am I lucky, I would say for simple terms yes. For some reason, you and I are still kicking and have something important to do. Maybe a kind word is the most important thing at this time...who knows. I just know Thy Will, not mine be done. God Bless B PS, still scatter brained...Hope that made sense.