my daily reflections…

fer a time in my early recovery, i did not know if i would go back to doin my dirt. the thought was loomin fer months; the goose hung high. i recall the drinkin dreams, and they came hard, and strong. they always seemed so real, like they had happened in reality. as my time in the rooms moved forward, i remember feelin like i had lost a great, lifelong, friend. and to mention the loneliness, even months, and up to a year, and more, into my recovery, as it steepened, there were times i could hardly bear it. it made me so angry coz i could no longer enjoy life as i thought i once had. i wish i could say, “the jumpin off place” was the feelin of a new beginnin, but i cannot. what i can say is, there was a glimmer of hope, as i had seen it in the eyes of those who had come into the rooms before me. oh, how i wanted all the madness within my head to stop. as best as i could muster acceptance of the fact i was alcoholic, i trudged through my days, minute by minute. the acceptance i was experiencin led to eventual surrender. today, seemingly many, many, lifetimes later, not destroyed, nor beaten down, i aint ever gotta feel that brand of loneliness ever again. the ashes of my alcoholism are left fer me to revel over, forgivin myself, and not forgettin. only due to the spiritual awakenin honesty has allowed me to experience through this thing we do. 1 day @ a time...