my daily reflections…

if i am to speak candidly and honestly, i must exercise humility here. i cannot express in words the loneliness i felt throughout the years of doin my dirt and especially in da last days of drinkin. there was no trust to be had fer anyone, or even laid upon myself. there were always people around who were there fer me, my wife, my ma, my siblins, my children, and few select friends. however, my impendin lack of trust caused by the self-pity, i allowed to wrap around myself warped into a state of loneliness which drove, even those few loved ones, away. my reality was, i could no longer find emotional security within, or anywhere around me, in fear of harmin another again. i had inklins of feelins within that i would try to manipulate or lean on em, both with da most unhealthy intentions i could muster. how could i turn all the anger, hate, self-pity, and loneliness into a healthy sense of love for self, or others? recovery, through its spiritual principles, taught me to be honest with myself about this. i learned to watch others so i could form a sense of hope. i had to build relationships. first with my HP, then with my sponsor, then, the most important, with myself. as these concepts evolved within i began to learn to love myself so i could trust and love others. i couldve NEVER accomplished these feats alone. 1 day @ a time...