my daily reflections…

today, i understand the power of self-awareness. i remember what it felt like to not be able to live up to the expectation of others. hell man, i probably still dont. the difference from then to now is what ive learned through personal inventory. in the days of doin my dirt i didnt have the personal tools within to help me deal with childish sensitivity. it beleaguered me to the point of not even bein able to find self-acceptance or approval. how could i then, have been able to find any kind of self-esteem worthy enough to be able to meet the expectations of others? what i found through personal inventory was that i had set expectation of others that i couldnt even live up to. success in the eyes of the world could never be found due to the lack of success i found within. sufferin from emotional abuse as a child only bled into my approval of self as an adult. self-esteem, as crazy as it may sound, was far out of reach even though i had built in my mind that i was better than them with many negative ideals and morals. still a child within, long into my adult years, i couldnt find the self-esteem or self-approval to be able to give it to others as bad as i wanted it myself. when i came into the rooms, i found men and women who had been through the same emotions i had put myself through. but now they were thinkin more about how they could help others than they were about themselves. they showed me how thinkin of others more and less of self, made them less self-seekin. they showed me how personal inventory was a key to unlockin a positive self-approval and self-esteem. how humility had been gained by acceptin themselves as they were. this was crazy to me; how could they share such interpersonal shit with me? yet i found that what they shared with me didnt give me any power over them. it seemed to make me powerless over them because they already knew and had accepted themselves. sharin their weaknesses with me gave them strength! their imperfections gave them strength because they knew what they were, they had worked on overcomin them, and had become powerful over them. fuck man, they could even laugh at themselves about it! havin learned these things about themselves they were able to forgive others, so they could learn to forgive themselves. from them i learned to ask for nothin in exchange for forgiveness, from them i learned how to accept self. because of people relyin on God relayin a message, i get to choose humility allowin for new growth each day. i no longer cry for the moon. 1 day @ a time...