unfortunately, my alcoholism doesnt do joel half-assed, so, i learned early in my recovery that i cant do recovery half-assed. when i asked my HP to help me with my character defects, i had to be willin to do the things necessary, whether i liked it or not. with my shortcomins i must practice my recovery the same way. askin Him to help me do the things i aint, without refusin to when the opportunity is clearly presented. its simple follow through, doin somethin i should be doin that i aint, allowin myself to be open enough to do the shit i gotta do, so that i may learn a different pattern of behavior and thinkin. i can remember how weird it felt to get out of self and do things i had never done before. stuff like bein honestly responsible, usin trust and faith, havin the courage to look within and dissect the parts of me that kept me emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, and spiritually ill, then tellin all of this to another person so i may gain the principle of integrity. tryin to keep some of the things to myself didnt fix me; i learned that through trial and error before this time in recovery with prior attempts. if i was to say it took a certain type of willingness, and i mean, not the kind of willingness that provides a gratification that sooths self, im talkin bout the kinda willingness that requires me to be vulnerable, givin up control of the outcome, and growin humility. to be able to start givin brotherly love whether i thought the person in front of me deserved it or not. ownin my shit and offerin atonement and restitution when i had harmed another. these are the things that are the shortcomins i need help with from my HP. i neednt let a comminglin of guilt and shame keep me from celebratin who i am or what i am. i have a goal to heal, on a daily basis, from the person who created my low self-esteem, me. i must continue to take effort, usin the therapy of recovery, and an understandin of spirituality that proclaims an HP who is involved in my life to help me be the best that i can be. then i must take what i learn and pass it on to another by sharin my story so they may receive the peace of mind i have. when i have ceased fightin, not givin up before the miracle happens, i get to hop on a spiritual beam that lets me enjoy my recovery. 1 day @ a time...
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