my daily reflections…

anythin that has been any good for me has taken me time, work, and practice to obtain. my recovery, especially speakin of my emotional stability, took time to get some kind of control over. plagued by waves of guilt for the things i had done to my family, my acquaintances, and myself, i struggled early in my recovery to grow balance so i wouldnt be so self-patronizin or maudlin without any warnin at all. what it took for me was to start earnestly practicin and livin the things recovery was teachin me. i had to learn how to forgive myself and step 4 & 5 were instrumental in that process. it took time. even as i pressed through the other steps afterward, had been forgiven by my family, and others, i found it difficult to forgive myself. i had to continue to go to meetins, listen, and remain active in the fellowship so i could gain a sense of self-worth and self-love. as i lived and grew in other areas, self-forgiveness came. today i can still go into morbid reflection over the past, but recovery has taught me thats no place to stay. sometimes i feel like those quick looks back help me to remember the emotions i had that were unhealthy and unstable. ive learned to forgive myself, but not forget; once ive forgotten, im doomed to repeat. i have some good spiritual balance today that helps me with my emotional and psychological health and balance. these, as stated earlier, didnt just come for me, thats not my story, but they did come because ive remained diligent and persevered, learnin the solutions that are beneficial rather than harmful. to quietly forgive myself is a sign of healthy growth while fully relyin on God to help me restore my sanity. ty lord fer thinkin bout me im alive ‘n doin fine. 1 day @ a time...