my daily reflections…

i reckon if ya aint ever been “there”, ya aint ever been “there”. “there” is a place i dont want to ever visit again. this last week i made an amends to myself that took me a long 18yrs to do. rememberin the places i took me to and the lows that encompassed me are far more than words could ever express. i could try, but i could never do those emotions and feelins justice. i sought escape in every way possible in the last days of doin my dirt. to think that suicide was an alternative, or death by my own foolish actions became an acceptable solution. i feel like today i have an understandin of what kept me from such a fate. i cant say i know how others may have felt while livin the hell of the days of their drinkin, but i know how i felt. when all throughout my life i turned by back on everythin and everyone, there was somethin that kept me alive and breathin. i reckon it was hope that maybe, somethin would change. today ive been gifted a new life. that amends i made to myself was one that many already do and is just a simple part of their lives. but for me, i had to overcome some shit, i had to overcome myself. humility, the concept of humbleness, strippin ego, pride, and self, sounds simple, but is not easy. this thing we do gave me the courage to face self over the years. its given me the tools of recovery to help me live a life that others enjoy with impunity. my HP, God, has had a hand on me all my life, even when i could not see or feel Him within. ive discovered a design for livin, that with practice, patience, and diligence, lets me live with peace of mind and true inner happiness. today i feel deeply that all is well, as i live with this newfound feelin nothin will be able to move me from that deep conviction. this thing we do is a gift from Him that i cannot postpone or evade. i must live it. it is an adventurous journey that evolves each day i get to live. it is with the help of others i get to be a friend, so i may have friends. when i did regret the past and wish to shut the door on it, i learned it was what kept me emotionally, behaviorally, psychologically, and spiritually sick. through my adversity, i found strength, ive found recovery, ive found me. 1 day @ a time...