my daily reflections…

when i made my original list of all the people i had harmed i did not put myself on the list. i thought how could i put me down on this list if im tryna practice humility. i forgot that before practicin humility, i had to practice honesty. i forgot that i needed to practice courage. i forgot that i needed to practice integrity. i look back and think of the wisdom of others i had been gifted with. they taught me that the steps/spiritual principles were placed in such an order that before i could gain the next, i had to try to gain a concept of the prior. if i wanted to be honest, the one i had harmed the most while out doin my dirt was me. if i wanted to use courage, i had to honestly look at what i had done to myself. if i wanted to have integrity, i had to use courage to honestly see my part in harmin myself. what came from that was humility, because i soon put me on that list. when all through my active alcoholism and addictions the one i tried to protect the most was me. in tryina protect myself, i beat the fuck outta myself. imagine that the one on the list that needed the most forgiveness, hope, and love from me, was me. and it wasnt that i used ego or pride negatively, like i had back in the days of doin my dirt. it was that i had to use ego and pride positively so i could heal from my past and put it behind me so i could have a future free from the shit storm i had the potential to self-create. i had to be ready to make the proper effort. i had to recognize the need to do the actions that would help me in makin a list of others whom i had hurt while acceptin the responsibility that i was the one who did it all. acceptin these truths were what i needed for happiness, joy, and creative peace of mind. my spirituality needed to grow in the awareness that not only did God create me, but that God could be expressed through me when i was willin. i had to develop a divine quality for my life. for me, this awareness and reality was shockin and racked me full of fear, but it was transformational. the list offered me a wonderful opportunity to fulfill my commitments in peace and grace to myself and others. it was a commitment toward healthily healin self that required faith, trust, and love to be applied. 1 day @ a time...