my daily reflections…

it was through learnin what my character defects and shortcomins after doin the personal inventorys of the 4th and 8th steps that i was able to finally see and believe that i had suffered from the bondage of self before my recovery began. when i was told by my sponsor that i had been a selfish bastard all my life i looked at him like he was crazy. even havin people throughout my life tell me the same, i had always been blinded by the self-centeredness i had promoted and grew throughout my life. and for me to be able to write that i promoted and grew the self-worship i had, is a clear identification to me that this thing we do called recovery has had an effect in my life. funny how i had to break the bondage of self to be able to bond with my HP and others. i reckon i had been so self-absorbed that buildin relationships with others was really nonexistent. lettin go of that bondage took time, i had to do it through the process the 12 steps offer. as little by little i was able to let go of the fear of relyin on somethin greater than i, those around me in recovery, and family members, i could actually begin to build wholesome, balanced, and healthy relationships with each of the mentioned, includin myself. this past weekend was the celebration of my cousins life and would ya believe that i didnt feel awkward sittin with my extended family members, cousins, uncles, aunts, and friends from back home? ive thought about that event much over the past few days. i reckon, with the work ive done on self through the 12 steps, i was able to begin to bond with them. i was able to look each in the eye as we spoke each other. rapprochement is an appropriate word for how i feel about this past weekend. all i had to do was keep quiet and wait for the power of the spirit to flow in and give me the next right thing to say and do. when i keep a focus on what is truly important, humility and humbleness, i have an opportunity to bond with others and grow relationships. 1 day @ a time...