my daily reflections…

when i learned of the way i had harmed others through the use of the battle ax of my character defects and shortcomins, i was appalled. i had to use what i had found to come to terms with the person i had been and not reuse them to follow through with the amends process. i had to be responsible for my own actions, behavior, and thinkin. i had to be humble enough to surrender, tolerate, and accept what i had done without throwin another under the bus i had used to run them over previously. as i processed what was before me, i learned that remainin a person who used what recovery offered as a means to live a change unbecomin of the person i had once been, i couldnt tell my story to others and use the people i had to make, or had made, amends to while tellin my story. surely i could recount the events of what i had to do to make the amends, but for me to use their name was not a practice in anonymity. nor was the idea of intensifyin the account and sharin it makin the other the reason of blame for my alcoholism a practice in humility. this process is a process that asks me to be responsible toward myself and others when i move forward to make this attempt of becomin whole within, not another way to self-justify or rationalize my characters or shortcomins. this process is an attempt to make clear the faults i had which i had done to another and the drawbacks and weaknesses i had while harmin the ones i am to make amends to. it is with this self-awareness that i get the opportunity to change on the outside which perpetuates a change within that becomes everlastin. crucial and essential to this is that i ask God to direct my thinkin. it is here that my thought-life is placed on a much higher plane when i start the amends process with prayer and meditation so i may follow it through to the end. i get to then shift from obsessin over how i can dominate to concentratin on how i can help. life becomes infinitely simpler when i focus more on havin a positive influence on an outcome than i do on tryin to control it. with a simple attitude adjustment, i get to develop the sense of bein in partnership or brotherhood with all those around me. i begin to understand how emotional stability, humility, and anonymity, become somethin that i get to live and give constantly without demands for repayment. 1 day @ a time...