my daily reflections…

my personal recovery involves deflatin ego. i need the attitude adjustment the prior steps provide if i want what i make an amends for mean somethin worthwhile. my sponsor made it clear to me after writin an amends to my stepfather 5 times that it wasnt his fault i had turned into an alcoholic. what my responsibility in makin that specific amends was to clear off my side of the street. what he did, or what i thought he had done, was not to be the focus of the amends. what my responsibility in that amends was to tell my stepfather what i had done for years, criticizin him at every opportunity and holdin resentment, self-pity, and anger toward him. what a lesson in sponsorship for me. what a lesson in recovery and the healin it provides. each of the amends i had to make was changed because of that lesson. it was my thinkin, my action, not the other persons. it was my obligation to do the best i could and not get pissed or steamed up over problems that had caused me to react to them for years. as an alcoholic im an emotional person and i had gone to excess in almost everythin i had done. i had never been moderate in many things, and makin the amends i had to, had to be done with a focus on my actions and my thinkin. if i was to seek refuge in my HP, usin what recovery teaches, helpin me to change within, nothin could seriously upset me or make me afraid if God was truly my refuge. i learned that no matter the others action toward me, they had no effect on me today if i did not allow them to. if i truly wanted freedom from substances, i had to use the offerins recovery provided to create more opportunities for meaningful amends, aligned with purpose. i had to live in the right now, not in the yesterdays. if i was to envision an amends that was more subjective, the first step to makin it so was to focus on my behavior and thinkin. that was the alignin of purpose that made what i had to do effective for all concerned. today i understand that it is the highest form of self-respect and respect toward another to admit my mistakes, not theirs, and to make amends for them. 1 day @ a time...