fear is a powerful emotion for me. i reckon thats why the fore founders of this thing we do concentrated on it so much. and just how deep fear goes is so amazin to me. the ways it influences me to act or behave. how it disturbs my thinkin. how it changes the way i talk or speak. how it will freeze me from doin anythin or have me doin shit i normally would never do. i reckon there are positive aspects to fear too, cause it affects me to do the same things mentioned prior that are good for me too. in the context of this mornins readin, my sponsor taught me straight from the passages in the big book. there were amends i wasnt ready to make, and amends that took me time to make, however, each of the amends i had written in my initial personal inventory were done. timin, as mentioned in the big book, was of essence. understandin the suggestions laid out in the big book for makin amends, i wasnt to do them to fulfill some inner ego or pride, i wasnt to make them as a martyr, even though they were self-sacrificin. the intricacies in makin them had to be adhered to, less i harm another or myself. what that process taught me was how to use tact in my daily life today. how to live each day with purpose. how to use integrity as a tool of humility to be the kind of person who is empathetic, considerate, and compassionate without bullyin or demandin that i get my way. in bein grateful for the gifts of forgiveness, hope, and love, i get to live with strength and peace of mind. on the firm foundation God and recovery has helped me to construct, i get to own my sufferins and joys. i can use them to move through fear with strength doin what i need to in its right time. though i may take time away from a subject that hinders me, its how i use that time to create a positive outcome for the task at hand. i get to use it to correct my thinkin today by fillin my mind with the presence of God rather than unspiritual thoughts. its that prayer, meditation, and learnin that i need to understand how to better move forward, rather than procrastinate or not do anythin about what ev it is, at all. 1 day @ a time...
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