my daily reflections…

as much as i might have thought i was different and deserved the breaks i thought i should get, today i understand those thoughts and ideas of the past are a bunch of bullshit. ive learned through rigorous action that im just another fuckin alcoholic. i reckon what makes me different from then to now is the fact i believe that the alcoholism i carried for years would eventually kill me in the end if i didnt do somethin about it. today, im doin somethin about it. im doin what it takes on a daily basis to surrender to my alcoholism, tolerate myself, and accept that if i dont live by a code of morals other than my own, ima be a dead man. the path i choose to follow today is the one this thing we do called recovery has laid out for me to follow. it is a set of spiritual principles i did not make up in some drunken binge or stupor. what this does for me is allow me to be honest with myself and others about the person i used to be and the person i am today. the basis of my effectiveness in carryin the message to others is the reality of my own spiritual awakenin brought to me through recovery by my HP. the ability to share what ive been given allows me to continue to keep the knowledge ive gained from the wisdom of my story and pass it onto others. its been my experience that this honesty and humility is what may help another, but most def helps me more. it helps me maintain a closeness to my HP. when im lookin for real answers, not just temporary relief, sometimes only stillness will do. this is the only way i know to fully tap into my intuition, that place inside where God, whatever God is, lives. it is where i can find the answers i seek to the question, "do you think that you are one of us?" ive learned that humility is not the same as shame. that humility is self-respectin, and it expresses that i have a place in the entire web of life. that i am who i am and can be ok with me, givin what ive received with forgiveness, hope, and love. when i become alienated or too far removed from the truth of my alcoholism, i become disconnected from myself, and the question asked prior becomes a vague answer. when i know God, i know peace, i know truth, and i get to live it. 1 day @ a time...