my daily reflections…

my understandin of vigilance is that i remain watchful and alert. it means that i pay attention to what is goin on within me and around me. it means that i keep a keen sense to the emotions and feelins im feelin within the pit of my belly. as this mornins readin suggests, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. ive heard the “turn the cucumber into a pickle and ya cant turn it back into a cucumber” analogy a thousand times in the rooms. well, im a pickle now, and will never again be a cucumber no matter how hard i wish it to be. i know from my own personal past experience what the action of just one drink will do to me. today, i aint willin to travel that road again. when i am aware of whats happenin within me i have a chance to make choices that nurture the recovery that has provided the sobriety i have today. when i pay attention to the world around me i have the opportunity to make choices that have the potential to change my surroundins. i aint ever gonna be immune to alcohol, so i reckon i best continue the path of recovery i am on. if i wanna remain in recovery and live the life of sobriety i choose i must practice what recovery means in every aspect of my life. if im feelin a lil fucked up on the inside, i need to use what ive learned from recovery to change it. if im walkin on roads that are not conducive to my sobriety or recovery, i must change the roads i am on. i made a decision years ago to not drink, but there is much more to livin than just not drinkin, i must take care of the goals i set long ago to keep what i have today. i can wish myself sober, happy, and free all i want, but it dont happen less i do what is necessary to obtain it. forcin it dont work, i have to do the things that will keep me sober; care for others, be honest, do my work well, pray and meditate to stay healthy. these things help me take up my time and energy, so i dont do the stupid shit i used to. today i realize that the way i spend each moment is how i choose what my life will be. ima keep doin whats workin so i can keep the emotional, psychological, behavioral, and spiritual balance, stability, manageability, health, and sanity ive found brings me peace of mind. i will surrender to, tolerate, and accept the powerlessness and necessary pressures that are in my life. 1 day @ a time...