my daily reflections…

the first meetin i had with my sponsor he asked me what my priorities in life were. i rattled off a bunch of self-concerned shit, shit that had everythin to do with me. he asked me where God fit in. my reply was that God really didnt have a place in any of my priorities. after hearin me, he told me my problem my whole life had been that the priorities i had were all fucked up. he suggested that i take me out of the equation and place God first, recovery second, and others third. i thought he was crazy! i mean, what about me? if i didnt look out for myself who the fuck was gonna? as i worked with my sponsor i learned how i had placed dependence on other people, employment, me, and later alcohol and drugs over everythin in my life. i learned how the self-care i thought was healthy, was very unhealthy. i learned that the selfishness i tendered all my life had made me use people, places, and things, to get what i wanted. selfishness had become the epitome of who i was. the selfishness i had garnered with dependence on everythin that helped me cover the fears up within had pushed people away and turned me into a lonesome person. the only thing i had left was to use drugs and alcohol to push down the feelins of anger, hate, guilt, low self-esteem, and self-pity. recovery taught me how to change my priorities so that they were as my sponsor suggested. as i worked with him to change the list into its proper order, and order that took me out of #1, i began to grow and change within. i learned how to prioritize the aspects of my life so that i could add value to my life instead of take value away. i became vulnerable and forfeited control. i learned how placin God over anythin else in my life would, and could, give me meanin and purpose. i learned how the quiet time i used to hate, became beneficial when i used it properly. today ive learned that the situations i fear are rarely as bad as the fear itself. with a simple shift in priorities, i have changed within. from this, ive found that i have everythin i never had, and always searched for before my recovery began. 1 day @ a time...