my daily reflections…

one of the strongest emotions ive ever felt has been the love i have for my children. there seems to be little that has ever come close other than the love i have for a partner. it is an emotion that will have me doin shit i would not normally do. recovery has taught me that love is of the purest and finest emotions i have to give. nothin can come close to the power of that emotion. recently i became a grandparent for the second time. i told my son that he will not know love stronger than the love he was about to experience as he watched his child be born. i told him that the love he would feel would last the rest of his natural life. that there was little that he would ever experience again that had the power to bring him to his knees. i told him that when he felt that to remember it, and to know that the feelins he was experiencin were the same i still feel for him, his sister, and his brother. in the past ive made the mistake of confusin that emotion and usin it in very unhealthy ways, with other people, places, or things that were not worthy of it. what i am task with in recovery today, is givin that emotion in very healthy ways, to strangers without askin for it in return. havin felt the desperation that the final days of my alcoholism and addiction brought me, i have an acute understandin of what it is like to go through the deeply felt emotions of hopelessness, unmanageability, terror, bewilderment, frustration, and utter despair of those stricken deep with alcoholism or addiction; i fuckin KNOW how it feels. havin shared so much of my alcoholism with others, havin gained an understandin of what love means to me, i feel it is a responsibility of mine to try to give those afflicted as equal the love i have for my children or partner. i didnt want to feel like there was no way out, i didnt want to feel like death was my only chance for escape, and today i have a feelin those who are goin through it dont either. if i can, i want to be able to give the love needed to another whenever possible. my sponsor told me once early in my recovery, that i didnt have to like anybody or anything another did, but i had to love them. today when i speak at a meetin, i always close my talk with i love you all, somethin i would never have done back in the days of doin my dirt. i remember what it felt like to not be able to feel love. 1 day @ a time...