peace of mind is a glorious thing! for a number of years i have been able to experience this beautiful gift without the interference of alcohol or other substances. i reckon that the 12 steps and 12 traditions of this thing we do has much to do with this freedom. by livin and practicin the spiritual principles contained within i have been able to live and let live. now, i must state this fact so as not to pass on a false idea that ive become some kind of saint, cause i surely aint. what i am tryin to say is that even though i can still live my humanness, makin mistakes, and livin the negative side of my self-will, i have been taught an ability to spot when i am and take rightful action that helps me to change my thinkin, affectin my behavior in positive ways. i cant say that hearin some good ol fashioned dirt on someone aint appealin to my egotistical self, cause sometimes it is. however, interferin in anothers life with the purpose of tryin to live up or build a false sense of pride aint what recovery has taught me to be like or do. what ive found is that when i partake in this sort of activity and thinkin is that i interfere with my own ability to maintain any kind of spiritual maintenance that is fruitful to my recoverin lifestyle. i hurt not only another, but i also harm myself. when wrapped in self so much that i find pleasure in the gossip or harm of another, it is imperative that i right myself so i dont continue the unbalanced or nonspiritual ways ive worked so hard in my recovery to overcome. ive lived a new way of life that has taught me to let go of the fear of a harmed ego. i have taken up the interest of recovery, and ive found that once ive given it my time and enthusiasm, this new life opens up areas of interest that help others, or myself, rather than destroy out of boredom. though i may at times suffer from self-centeredness, recovery has given me tools to live past me. one of the secrets to gracious, conscious livin is to choose what is right for me without makin others wrong, or interferin negatively in their lives, in the process. it is true that when i keep my focus positively on me, the further i get from the possibility of harmin others, or self, negatively. im still human as well as powerless over my alcoholism, so i must face the real possibility of my humanness showin up. i can be honest if i slip, both with myself and with others in the program. they, along with my HP, will understand how i feel. i need never bear alone the remorse, alienation, and shame i feel after actin out by showin my ass. when i feel the urge to interfere, i must try to resist the impulse to anesthetize myself with a false sense of pride or wroughtful ego buildin. i can avoid the pain and recommit myself to sanity and manageability, lettin go of the thinkin that causes the stinkin. serenity isnt freedom from my storm; it is peace within my storm. when i face me, intuitively trustin Him, i have a choice. 1 day @ a time...
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