my daily reflections…

it is a blessin to not be able to forget the loneliness i once knew all too well. before the final days of my drinkin i thought bein a loner was a cool way to be. in time though, my alcoholism had driven all who wanted to be friends, and even family, away from me. then, i knew what it was like to feel lonely. even when i wanted to try to be a part of somethin, i couldnt. i think back on those days as i write and remember how i felt. it is a feelin i dont know today but remember all too well. a feelin of inner emptiness, inner anger, and inner hate. its no wonder nobody wanted to be around. i had nothin to offer anybody, not even myself. there was no way for me to accept those emotions back then, the only thing i could do was drink them down. today, many years away from those days, i can accept those emotions and behaviors. i can recall them and think of the process it took me to overcome those times. loneliness wasnt somethin that left me quickly and i still today can edge into it when im startin to let self-pity and failure control my thinkin. i dont want to wish for the end again mannn. when i look around the rooms at the people ive gained and grown relationships with i get to see a demonstration of the power of God and how He has changed them and me from a drunkard into a sober, useful citizen. theyve taught me, i aint gotta feel the emotions that i used to feed on when i accept me for who and what i am. when i live each moment as best as i can, recognizin and askin God to give me the power to stay sober for each moment of my day, placin His will in front of mine, those final days of doin my dirt dont stand a chance against the acceptance i have within. all i have to do is pray and listen. He will show me through others how to step away from the loneliness i used to fear. ive learned that i need to uncover to recover and that faith makes the impossible possible. today i get to live with hope and acceptance, loneliness doesnt stand a chance when i do. 1 day @ a time...