my daily reflections…

goin through the processes of step 4, 5, and 8, i was able to see how the character defects & shortcomins i had, had warped my emotions and behaviors. even before those self-identifyin steps, i knew within how i felt and how those feelins had caused reactions to stimuli. but workin those steps with as honest a reality i could at the time, i was able to find out exactly how the shit i had found out about myself had made me react and do the shit i had done. they gave me reasons, and identified specific areas, for me to work toward fixin within. just as this mornins readin suggest, with the process of recovery, i could see how alcohol had only suppressed and heightened certain aspects of my character that had been growin long before alcohol had even started bein my HP. and to say that alcohol didnt help me to hide from me would be straight up story tellin ya’ll and myself. alcohol only helped the fatal progression i was livin. today i have learned all of this and have begun to behave and think differently. today i understand i have no control over the world around me. the only control i truly have is control of self, less i let alcohol become my HP once more. i have the faith of step 3 and spiritual awareness of step 11 to lean on when i sense my self-will start to guide my behavior and emotion. today i understand just how a drink will not help me. i understand how my HP, God, and recovery can, and will, help me when i pull from them. i aint gotta stay in my shit, i have alternatives that provide me with nothin but healthy and balanced possibilities of inner happiness and peace of mind. today i thank my HP and recovery for givin back my life and future. i get to have dreams and share them with others. with the essential requirements of enough willingness, honesty, and humility, i get to establish and maintain a new order for my life. while it isnt always easy crushin my self-centeredness, if i keep it simple, it works. i aint gotta suffer from pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization ever again. 1 day @ a time...