my daily reflections…

to be able to continue to be free. free from patterns of behavior that continued metal illness without me even knowin it. there was a time not so long ago that i didnt know if i would, or could, live through the next week. today i dont own that fear. with the freedom from the bondage of self, i am free to experience life as an adventure, a journey that changes each day, offerin me the opportunity to evolve with the world as it revolves around me. ive gained this freedom because of recovery. because of a willingness to live, not die. a willingness to surrender, not succumb. a willingness to tolerate, not maintain a life of denial. a willingness to accept, not misunderstand. not every day is a day that is easy, but it is far better than the fear of the next moment. i am free from those bonds. i am free to explore, i am free to live, i am free to be me without the fear of what others think. ive found a way of life through the action of the 12 steps that encourages me to be the person God meant for me to be. i am free to make decisions that are healthy and do not cause harm to others or myself. i am not cut off from the forgiveness, hope, and love of others or God. i am free to reciprocate that forgiveness, hope, and love. fuck man, im even more free to offer it before i have a chance to receive it. i cant say all my walls are gone, i still have some, but they are healthy walls, not unhealthy ones as before my recovery began. i am free to experience the restoration and healin i deserve. i am free to give it just as well. i am free to humbly accept the power, guidance, and strength from an HP i cannot see. freedom from alcohol, from the bonds of the alcoholism i still live with, provide me with serenity, peace of mind, and restoration of a new life and freedom. though i may live in fear sometimes, it is a healthy fear, and i have solutions today that offer hope in trade for unhealthy fear when i choose to put what ive learned into action by workin and livin through them. 1 day @ a time...