my daily reflections…

today i understand that i had never had much control over the events of my life. i sure as fuck thought i did, but when i honestly look at my past, i can see i had none. self-will had always placed people, places, and things as control items for me to follow without me even realizin it. material items i may have thought were karma or luck were placed in front of me and i put all the hope and faith i had in them. i would follow them thinkin that i was gettin ahead or gettin over on life, only to have em fall and crash all over me. how i ever made it, i can only reckon it was the HP of my belief today watchin out for me when i could not. i would fill the void within with what ev felt good at the moment, and it never lasted or was sustainin. today i may live in the moment, but i do it so much differently than i ever did before. today i have a hope and a faith in somethin greater than i and it aint in other people, places, or things, it is in God. ive found a way to fill the void within i had always felt that is sustainin and ever lastin, as long as i keep joel out of it. it dont mean i dont look out for myself, because i do. it just means that i use what recovery has provided me to live right now as i perceive my HP would have me. my willingness to believe in a power greater than myself is a result of the personal inventory step work i have done and continue to do. just as my recovery evolves, so do i spiritually as i grow emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, and spiritually. i aint gotta live in an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation any longer, i am free. i get to live and let live. the character traits i refuse to forgive in others are given up to my HP so i aint gotta keep em. when i do this, the hope and faith ive grown is hope for a better tomorrow. as i continue to develop an attitude of gratitude each day, givin thanks for my many blessins, He provides me reasons to continue to live with an inner happiness and peace of mind. its quite simple today, the void i used to try to fill is now an amazin awakenin filled with positive self-awareness. with sobriety ive gained clarity of thought and mind. with recovery ive gained knowledge, experience, and wisdom on how to use that clarity of thought and mind. it is a spiritual approach. 1 day @ a time...