my daily reflections…

for me, i have to use a Higher Power. alcohol filled such a vacuum in my soul, it worked for a very long time. when i took it away i needed somethin to replace it. self-will can suffice me for a short time. i can do anythin if i can endure the pain long enough. i reckon people who arent alcoholic as i, have a natural ability to do this, but i aint one of em. when i came into the rooms this last time and sat and listened, i knew i had to do somethin to fill the emptiness within. people were talkin about how they had an HP and how the relationship they had with She, He, or It, was helpin them. i knew i wouldnt last long if i didnt do somethin to try to get what they had. my sponsor suggested i use the program of AA. he said the program itself is infallible if i used it the way it is written in the book. i did use the program for a short time until i could start buildin a relationship with the God of my understandin. i had believed in God in the past but was unsure if agnosticism was really me. the hope i heard others share helped me make my decision to use the religious God of my youth. i just couldnt see life without it then, nor can i now. ive found that it doesnt matter what i use as my HP, as long as it isnt material, another human, and most importantly, isnt me. today i have several trusted friends in the program who are agnostic, and we get along great. its taught me that it doesnt matter how i use the hope ive fostered to have faith, as long as i keep faith. as long as i keep an open mind, have a listenin ear, God may speak to me. like todays 24hr thought for the day says, i also have to keep a waitin heart, so that God may come to me. ive come to know the willingness i need to have becomes a rallyin point where each one i meet in recovery comes together for a common solution to our common problem. whether im agnostic or not, i get an opportunity each day to live another 24hrs without alcohol if i choose. what i can do is learn from the vitality of others and enjoyment of the moment as i continue to build hope and grow the relationship i have with my HP. i must remain spiritually ambitious, lettin go of spiritual arrogance. as long as i am with others in recovery, i am on a set path that is healthy, balanced, and provides what i need. 1 day @ a time...