my daily reflections…

when i first came into the rooms i didnt know if this recovery program would work for me. i was full of fear and had suffered through self-indulged ego problems. i had tried everythin i knew to stop the chaos that my alcoholism provided me. to say i had demanded myself to stay sober, to say that i had used unhealthy and unrealistic expectations, would be an accurate and honest statement. i was so full of self-reliance that it was just so difficult to admit that i had let alcohol beat me. yet there i was, in a halfway house over 100 miles away from home with nothin but a dirty wet grocery sack with dirty wet clothes. thats all i had, everythin i had ever hoped and worked for, everythin and everyone, i had ever loved, was gone. its what my demands and expectations had given me. i had to surrender, and this halfway house, this programs recovery principles, were my last hope. i was either gonna do this shit, or i wasnt, i had a decision to make. i had to stop demandin and expectin things to happen or go on to the bitter end. then the people in the rooms told me to become willin to believe in a power greater than myself. were these people crazy or was i. as it turns out, after doin my best to remain open-minded and honest with myself, i let them show me how they had changed. how they relied upon a God of their own understandin and had taken the moral inventory to heal themselves. i learned i was the crazy one. like i said, not knowin if it would work, bein full of fear, i had to try somethin other than my thinkin, demands, and expectations. surrender was my only option. they had burned into my consciousness that i could get well regardless, and in spite, of me. so, here i am, over 16 ½ years later, growin spiritually each day, faithfully keepin quiet times apart with God, and continuin to do those moral inventorys. i couldnt do it myself, i needed the hope recovery brought me. ive learned and have practiced grace. it doesnt matter where ive come from, or what ive done, or how much i have or dont have. when i let loose of negativity, im open to the good that is around me. today i have surrendered, and i stay connected so i may stay protected. i get to feel the solutions through each powerful step. im free of unrealistic and unhealthy demands and expectations when i keep His will ahead of my own. 1 day @ a time...