my daily reflections…

whenever i move forward in my day, tryin to take my self-will out of the equation, i must use the willingness and faith the program asks me to. i aint gotta, its only a suggestion turned a must, but recallin the shitstorm i left behind before my recovery began, i gotta try to use willingness and faith so i dont find myself in the pitfalls and mire of the days of doin my dirt. often the things i find myself surrounded in are circumstances i havent been in while in recovery. they are unfamiliar and can raise the emotion of fear, many times a game changer. it is then i must call upon the strength and courage my HP provides when im tryin to work toward lettin go and lettin God. i can easily let go and let joel, but if i honestly remember what that action did, im less likely to use it. i have to try to not rely on what served me well yesterday, because ive grown since then. this doesnt mean i dont use the experience, knowledge, or wisdom ive gained, i have to! it just means that when i use them, i remain open to the opportunity to expand on each, allowin myself to further evolve in my own personal life and the recovery i want to surround myself in. my program of recovery insists that i try to make a change for the better and then shoulder whatever responsibility this entails. as an opportunity to become a better person within, and on the outside, i must be willin to use faith and the guidance my HP provides when i feel uncomfortable and unsure. ultimately, only i can be responsible for me. i must try not to withhold honor from myself by lettin fear get in the way of the dignity im tryin to nurture as my program of recovery develops. manifestations of faith by the works i do are not only a show to those on the outside, but more so a show to myself that i can live the change recovery demands, less i fall prey to the crux of my disease of alcoholism. since my illness is spiritual, as well as physical and emotional, i need to mend spiritually through daily communion with my HP. this means livin through uncomfortable times relyin on willingness and faith to see me through uncertain & dubious events. by Gods grace, i get to take troubles in stride and turn them into demonstrations of faith. its been my experience thus far, when i forward all issues to Him, weedin the garden of my life, i get my hands dirty sometimes. 1 day @ a time...