my daily reflections…

it is so true that buildin a relationship with a HP most def provided me freedom and independence. it took the reins away from me, it allowed me to do things i never thought i would or could. it allowed me to behave and think differently. i could never see just how restrained i had always lived. i was under the delusion that i had everythin under control and all was great within my world. it took the honesty and hope the program offered to have the faith to see all the things i had kept myself from. allowin lil bits of self out at a time and witnessin the return from givin up my control showed me lil by lil, just how i had always victimized myself into bein the sufferer so i wouldnt venture beyond what i could not sense. there was also a level of fear that had to be overcome too. i had let loose of the idea that if i ventured out into unknown boundaries, most as unhealthy as ya can imagine, i wouldnt be able to come back from those excursions. and i aint tryin to say that i never jumped into shit without knowin the outcome, cause i most def did. and each time i did it, i always made shit worse for me. comin into the rooms i learned to have discipline. i learned to have structure. i learned to form healthy boundaries that provided me positive outcomes. all because of the freedom and independence i began to have through a newfound relationship with my HP. today i get to seek to live an honest life on a daily basis. givin up control of unsure outcomes and havin faith that my HP will provide for me as i do the footwork. i get to be a friend so i can have friends that i can rely upon to let me know when im fuckin up or when i am blocked from my HP. and another of the important things, i am not without defense against my alcoholism less i let go and let joel, even as i may at times have a noticeably short memory. real independence, freedom from, so i have freedom to, is what i get from the faith recovery has taught me to grow and evolve. 1 day @ a time...