my daily reflections…

today, many years after my 4th tromp into the rooms, i know the clear understandin of just where i may have been hadnt i been allowed. without even havin to give any explanation as to why i was sittin in the back of the room, alone, tryin to hide, quiet, lonely, full of self-pity and fear, i wasnt asked to leave. i can remember when it came my turn to speak, as the discussion rotated around the room, how i didnt know what to say or even introduce myself. i know it wasnt much and was probably only my name, which was BIG. after time sittin in the chairs, i began to share. i had heard enough to gain an understandin that i wasnt alone. that i could only be alone if i kept myself alone. the short version of the 3rd tradition clearly states that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinkin, and i certainly had that desire amongst other issues. in my days of doin my dirt i indulged in drugs of many sorts as well as drinkin. i had to learn how to discuss my personal problems in the rooms of this thing we do without speakin of drugs. after much conversation with my sponsor, i learned what my main problem was, alcohol. i learned how alcohol was what kept in me the mindset of selfishness, self-centered fear, and anger. that drugs, just as alcohol, where a mere symptom of a much greater underlyin issue. i learned that alcohol was always my, “go to”, for relief of the doomed thought processes i had. it was my release from the personal problems i fought with within. as i advanced each day in spite of my stumblin feet, i learned how to persevere in all good things, even drugs. today i understand the concept of a single-minded purpose and limit my talk of other substances in the rooms. i cannot hold any other away from the rooms, or keep them in the rooms, its not my place. i am only responsible for myself. as a member, i must let others make their own determination as to where they may fit in. i need others to make my personal program work. it is a responsibility of mine to help others, no matter their condition when it comes to the disease. recovery from alcoholism means more than puttin down the drink. today i adopt a responsible attitude that makes me care, on a spiritual level, for my world, and those around me. personal strength comes from honestly tellin my own experiences with drinkin. i understand that my alcoholism is boundless. ive learned my spiritual progress isnt what gets me sober, its what keeps me sober. who am i to not allow another this experience? 1 day @ a time...