my daily reflections…

i remember wantin to feel accepted in many activities throughout my life. i always felt that i wasnt good enough for whatever thing i was attemptin to accomplish. i learned through the process of the 4th step that i had always tried to set expectations too high for myself. i learned that when i couldnt, or didnt, accomplish or reach my expectations, i immediately fell into a self-laid trap of self-pity. i learned i was the one who set myself up each time. these emotional upsets helped to create a selfishness within that only increased as my wants werent obtained. i learned i had reverted to basic control patterns that never had an opportunity to mature as i grew in years. my selfishness and self-centered fear wouldnt allow me to maneuver or work through personal emotional problems. all of this was just a small part of not bein able to form an existence of self-approval within. the poor me’s turned into emotions that became too heavy to carry myself. so, alcohol began to become a hp that could take my mind away from the self-esteem problems that were created in my youth. still a child within, i cried for the moon. and the moon, it seemed, wouldnt have me. i became the victim, and that, along with alcohol, seemed to quench my incessant cravin to cure my personal emotional problems. recovery taught me that its ok to have goals, that its ok to succeed in my goals, and even fail in them too, without breedin self-indulged emotional, psychological, behavioral, or spiritual problems. in the rooms i found men and women who had been through the same emotions i had been through. they taught me to think a little less about myself and a little more about other people. i also learned that i didnt have to depend on myself alone to get out of the messes i created. along with recovery, they showed me how to live with my imperfections usin recoverys spiritual principles. that my relationship with a newly conceived concept of a HP, could help me realize that my new life is not just about changin my past but about developin my future as well with healthy emotional sobriety. they showed me a twelve-step manuscript for rational thinkin and behavior, which helped me learn a healthy way of livin. all i had to do was be willin and ready to live the change. 1 day @ a time...