my daily reflections…

step 4s personal inventory was an attention-grabbin review into who and what i had become throughout my alcoholism. it was a stern, essential, and illuminatin stare into learnin how to turn a consciousness of what others had said & done to me, into a consciousness of what made me say & do the things i did to others. it turned me from a victim into a victimizer. and to think that the realization of this didnt make me want to run and hide even further away from recovery wasnt such a far-fetched idea. but i didnt want to feel the way i did within anymore. i had to move forward with this deep dive into me. i had to try to pull myself together. i had to get honest with myself and with other people. i had to face myself and my emotional problems honestly, instead of runnin away. to do this i needed to use the faith in a power greater than myself i had found through steps 2 & 3. i had to admit that i was helpless by myself and needed to call on my HP for help. i had to surrender my alcoholism and life, givin both to my HP. just as my HP was important, my sponsor was even more influential. i couldnt keep the secrets any longer. i needed him to help me with my emotional deformities because i didnt know how to. GAWD, there were SO many. he helped me face me so i wouldnt be turn aside by the skepticism and cynicism of myself. i needed a wise person to see through my self-deceptions so i could seek the good life in the things that are the good life. i needed him to help me sort through the many emotional and spiritual misconceptions i had tried not to own, but still nurtured with my alcoholism. today, with the help of my HP and my sponsor, i get to focus on a peaceful life rather than a harried one. i get to move forward gently, not frantically. i get to let go of my need to be anxious, upset, and in a hurry. i get to replace self-centered fear with a want to be at emotional peace and in spiritual harmony. by livin the change an inside look provided into my emotional natures with awareness, acceptance, and action, i get to change to improve my emotional character. 1 day @ a time...