my daily reflections…

i remember what it was like to be held captive by the obsession i had for the next drink. eventually i would succumb to the mania and get that 1st drink again. then the fuckin cravins would start. the mental preoccupation and infatuation would lead me to the compulsion to take the 2nd drink. i think back and am astounded at how the cravins would not stop until i had allowed my disease of alcoholism to run its course, causin problems for others and myself. freedom, even as my delusion had me believin i was free, was never truly obtainable. the endin days of my active alcoholism and the personal inventory of step 4 clearly taught me this tough lesson to learn. bein dry for a few days into my recovery, livin in a halfway house, the obsession had me trippin all over myself. fightin for freedom from king alcohol was a difficult process durin the 1st few months of residency. as i sat and listened and learned of others storys with their own alcoholism, their own obsessions that ended succumbin to cravin, then to abstinence, then to the quality of recovery from, i discovered that freedom from alcohol was within my grasp. my next trick was to go the next steps and learn how to overcome my obsessions, my alcoholism. experiencin a kind of humble self-knowledge allowed the wisdom i had to help me remember what i had left behind when i finally was able to stop the madness that swirled within my head. i began to feel freedom take its place as i struggled with self. i didnt want to die drunk. and that was certainly an obtainable outcome. today, many years away from alcohols grasp, i may think about alcohol, but i dont fall prey to it. the cravins that once steered me into a livin hell, are not a factor today because i have a solution that works, when all else fails me. i aint gotta go mad, and i aint gotta die an unfortunate and untimely death. i get to go out into the sunlight and work with God; i get to let God live in me as i work for and with him. i finally looked up from my misery and saw a life worth livin, stayin for the right reasons. today i have an awesome shot at the coolest life imaginable. surrender opened the door to recovery. 1 day @ a time...