my daily reflections…

are ya fuckin kiddin me? i gotta give up the way i think, the way i behave, the way i live, the very shit that helped me survive so, ehem, elegantly throughout my life? these are the thoughts i had before i came into the rooms. they were even maintained for a short time into my early recovery. as i listened, as i began to recognize how others lives were closely assimilated to my own, i began to understand i wasnt alone. when i got into the steps with my sponsor, i began to recognize my need for livin the change. the old insanity that had kept me alive for so long began to be seen in an unhealthy light of survival. i began to see, as i progressed through the 4th step, the hopelessness, unmanageability, and helplessness, my character and shortcomins had created. before i could understand the insanity i had thought was sanity, i had to surrender and accept the weakness or sickness and plead out an admission of my need for help within. then came the faith in the Power of my HPs spirit, i needed it to be available for me to meet that need. i learned before any need can be met, my faith must find expression. that expression of faith is all my HP needed to manifest His Power in my life so i could see my insanity. faith was one of the keys that unlocked the storehouse of my HPs resources so i could move forward. step 4s courage, bolstered by hope and faith, helped me to understand that where alcohol had been involved, i had been strangely insane. i began to understand how success or failure was in my own character, how i had allowed alcohol to grow my alcoholism and create an insane way of behavin and thinkin to get through the characters i had developed. these early areas of growth have helped me today in becomin responsible for developin a good, healthy, manageable, and sane, character. today i have no trouble findin spiritual beauty in my days before recovery. ive found a true beauty never dies. it is found in all thoughts, attitudes, and emotions, if only i seek it. its what helps me to remain in recovery, an understandin that i cant forget my insanity, but i can forgive it. today i aint gotta believe everythin i think. i have a healthy solution for givin up insanity. 1 day @ a time...