i couldnt have told what i had found out in my personal inventory if i hadnt formed a trust with my sponsor. through the prior 4 steps, goin to meetins, learnin from my sponsor what his story was, i was able to give the tell of my personal experience. it was a willingness to step away from the fear of transparency. it is hard for me to compare with words the freedom ive been able to experience since that initial tell. at first i didnt know what to feel, but as time passed, i could feel within the awareness of reality and opportunity to experience even more than i could imagine. was i still scared? of course i was! but the sense of independence became a willingness to open even more doors that had been welded shut. i could feel the ease and peace of mind i had always craved but could truly never experience through my use of alcohol. even as alcohol provided a temporary freedom from myself, this was different. it created and atmosphere within that everythin might be ok and i wouldnt have to continue to battle the shit i had shared any longer. they were out, they were gone, i didnt have to fight anymore. it was a continuation of the healin process i had begun when i walked into the rooms this last time. i didnt have to be discouraged and fight so hard anymore. i could have the courage to help bring about what my weary heart and mind needed but didnt know how to get. with an understandin and foundation of my own sufferins and joys, i could build a life that was prosperous through failure or success. i got to stop my internal want to figure shit out on my own and could unite with those around me to learn how to live with my humanness. i aint gotta procrastinate to let go, it is a peaceful thing to be one succeedin in growin humility with a sense that i aint gotta try to control shit around, or within, me. i can redouble my efforts at control and continue to fail or succeed so my personal sufferin doesnt become acute and constant. when i hold back nothin i get to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. every person, every situation, can add to my success today. my attitude can help someone else succeed, too. what i reckon what ive learned through this process is that i have to let shit go, when i do i get to move forward. when i choose the behavior, i choose the consequences. 1 day @ a time...
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