my daily reflections…

when i came into the rooms i didnt have a particularly good or high opinion of myself. and after my 4th step inventory if i had anythin left, it was surely diminished. as i wrote all the shit down the feelins of low self-esteem and self-demoralization seemed heightened. it took much counsel with my sponsor for me to be able to recognize that some of the shit i had done wasnt all bad. he pointed out that there were things about me that were good and that i had started the process of livin the change recovery offered. he pointed out that my HP was workin miracles in my life and that for me to not recognize em was for me to remain wrapped in self, not practicin any of the humility i had started learnin to grow. he suggested that i take the time to search out some of the character assets and strengths that i may have used negatively in the past and try to see how i was usin em now in recovery to better myself. these assets and doins were of my HPs will without me even knowin it. i learned how to use what i thought were some of the bad findins and turn them into positive, healthy, and beneficial equity that could be used as resources to continue my recovery. things like determination, perseverance, love, ya know, shit like the ability to walk through the fire of doin my dirt. not many couldve lived through the things i had done. how i could turn my selfishness into a healthy thing by usin it to keep recovery at the forefront of my life like i used to do alcohol. how to be obedient to a heavenly vision and pick myself up and go on. there is so much more i found that i could use within to turn the life i had lived from destruction to construction. all i had to do was turn the negative viewpoint i had of self into a positive one. tough to do after livin so long with a piss poor outlook on life. today i continue to grow and evolve from the inventorys i get to take. i fix the bad so i can cultivate the good within. today im able to appreciate and grow in the precious gift of my past. ive learned to listen to the wisdom of my past and understand im only human. i just have to pause, pray, listen, and proceed toward what truly enhances peace within. 1 day @ a time...