it took time to reestablish a relationship with my young uns. they were the ones i owed the most to. it was a process of showin em, not tellin em, of the changes i was goin to make to be the person they needed me to be. i had to show em how i was gonna start bein reliable and present for them when they reached out and needed me. the words i used to say and the actions and behaviors i had done had to be put to rest and the only way i could show them change was to start doin what i said i was gonna do. and this took some time. i didnt live anywhere near em and had moved over 100 miles away so providin this show of change had me workin extra hard to let it be known. as my outlook on life changed for the better and i lived and practiced the spiritual principles of recovery, ive been able to rebuild relationships with all 3 over a period of time. i had to give them time to heal, just as i, needed time to heal. as i lived and practiced the principles i was learnin early on, i learned how to let go of my desires, my guilt, my limitations, and my worries. this had the effect of allowin me to understand how i had harmed them and helped me to gain the awareness as to how i needed to make an empathetic amends to each. i had to rely upon my HP and my sponsors wisdom to dissect each amends to each child. each had been hurt by me in different ways and i needed to understand from each how i could make right the wrongs i had done. overcomin the guilt and remorse i felt then was hard on me, and to be honest, i can still feel those emotions when self-pity and fear plagues me. its why it was so important that i had the wisdom of my sponsor to point me in directions that would provide me with the help i needed to gain acceptance of my actions and an understandin of the limitations and boundaries of an amends to each. i prayed that my HP would show them that the things i was doin were makin me the father, the dad, i told them i was becomin. i needed to show them that strength, empathy, and patience were makin changes within my life. as i began to forgive myself, workin hard on overcomin my disease of alcoholism, they seen the work i was doin and forgiveness came from each. today i feel i have a great relationship with each of my young uns. i tell em i love em and show it to each as much as i can. i am blessed that recovery has given me the relationships i have with them. im still not perfect, but im not the man that left them hangin so many years ago any longer. gratefulness is the action i continue to do when ever i am with em. 1 day @ a time...
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