my daily reflections…

my recovery wasnt handed to me all at once. like much else that has ever been any good for me, it was offered in time. when i first came into the rooms the most important thing for me to do was just not take a drink. it took determination as my alcoholism was screamin with in me. just as this mornins readin says, many times i had an awesome time out drinkin. it meant conviviality, companionship, and colorful imagination. it meant release from care, boredom, and worry. it was joyous intimacy with friends and a feelin that life was good. as time went on and i sought more and more of those good times, my drinkin progressed into a hellish nightmare. i could not recapture the temporary happiness as it increasingly eluded me. eventually my drinkin became an escape from the world around me and later, myself. there was a progression to my alcoholism that was subtle, unmanageable, and profoundly proved my powerlessness. as i mentioned prior, the first thing i had to do when i came into the rooms was just not take that 1st drink. there was no way in hell i couldve managed everythin ive learned about myself in my early days of recovery. i had to learn it all day by day, and sometimes, moment by moment. i recall after i had 5yrs in, i was sittin with a group of others who had, 15, 25, & 35 yrs. of recovery behind em. i said, man i wish i had what ya’ll have. they stopped me short and simply said, be where you are boy, live happily and grow in time. i was shocked by their wisdom then and today understand exactly what they meant. as each step has allowed me to grow and persevere over my self-centered fear, ive grown, ive evolved. to be honest, if i had been handed everythin i have today the 1st day i walked into the rooms, i have a feelin id be dead cause i couldnt have managed it all. ive learned to delay action, sometimes, until i feel that i am doin the right thing and not rush into anythin alone. this doesnt mean to procrastinate, it just means i need to seek consultation from the wisdom of trusted friends in recovery, learn from what ive already experienced, and move forward with the honesty, hope, faith, courage, integrity, and willingness the program has allowed me to learn in time. 1 day @ a time...