my daily reflections…

i learned through recovery that when i was out doin my dirt i was unable to do the shit others had told me would lead me to a good life. i didnt want to listen because i thought i might know a better way to accomplish my lifes goals. i didnt want to hear about anothers life experience, even as they were lessons i couldve learned from myself. i was foolish enough to believe their history had no bearin on my life. and it wasnt like they had threatened me, they actually may have cared enough about me to not see me make the same mistakes they had made in their lifetime. when i came into the rooms this last time i was broken, i could no longer live the way i had been. within i was hopin that i could put into some of the things recovery taught me and continue on, with a newfound knowledge how i could beat the game of joel. as i sat in the rooms, listened, and learned, i had small epiphanies from what i heard others sayin that showed me just how wrong i had always been. i wanted what they had. and it meant i would have to break my lifelong moral and philosophical convictions. i learned i couldnt have ever lived up to them even though i wouldve liked to. i couldnt reduce my self-centeredness much by wishin or tryin on my own will power. i had to break joel and admit i needed Gods help combined with others in the rooms. as time passed i seen how livin the change recovery was offerin would be beneficial to me. the common sense i always thought i had, became uncommon. i started doin things i wouldve never done in the days of doin my dirt. today ive developed, in my recovery, an awareness of the beauty of this world and an appreciation for the experience of another. ive seen how spirituality is always creative; it is at the center of all that is good, noble, and inspirin. it is a way for me to conform to a new way of life. i get to live each day as it comes with poise and peace of mind, ive succeeded where i used to fail. through a willingness to progress with prayers that release my grievances, resentments, envy, selfishness, and self-centered fear, ive let go of the self-made messages that used to drive the tornado within. today, i give myself permission to be who i am, learnin from the wisdom of others. ive lived, ive learned, ive listened, and from these lessons i get to love. 1 day @ a time...