my daily reflections…

early in my recovery i thought everybody should have the happiness, joy, and freedom i was experiencin. and thought that for a long time. i still believe in sharin what i have today. i even took college courses and earned degrees, for two reasons, to learn more about the disease of alcoholism for myself, and to learn how i could combine the two lessons i was learnin, recovery and psychology, to help others. as my recovery has grown and evolved ive learned that not everybody wants what i have. ive learned how it can be very dangerous for me to focus my life solely on helpin others with their recovery. ive learned it can take the focus off my own recovery and harm the relationships i have with others. ive learned how a balanced life can lead me right back to a 1st drink. i had those grandiose ideas of teachin all who would listen how a spiritual way of life taught through recovery could help them. today, havin watched and learned from those around me, i feel like its not my business to tell others how to live. i do feel like its my business to live my recovery as best as i can, follow what i perceive is my HPs will, and continue to help those who come to me for assistance with their alcoholism. bein of service to those, without them even knowin why im doin it, brings me a happiness within i cannot explain in words. ive learned through humility and integrity its not my job to tell another about recovery unless they ask. ive learned my recovery is my responsibility and its my job to live my recovery for me, in hopes that my actions may help another. its not that i dont want to help others or see others find recovery, its that i must take care of myself so i can give away what i have. ive learned how humility can give me the reality of a healthy, balanced, and well lived life. i just want to be one of the ripples another sees, not the whole damn wave. as i continue to prepare myself for better things that God has in store for me, i trust God will continue to provide for me the shit i need most, forgiveness, hope, and love, so i can continue to give it away. 1 day @ a time...