my daily reflections…

i can remember attempts to get sober before this time. sure, i read the steps. sure, i made commitments to self to DO each step. sure, i meant them with all my heart. the simple truth is i didnt have the balls to DO them the next day. after havin lived and practiced em as long as i have this time, its no wonder i didnt have the balls to DO em. they aint no joke, thats for sure. in the 12 & 12 its says in step 6, and i quote, “...separates the men from the boys.” how true is that!? humility, to an egomaniac, an alcoholic, like me, is a hard nut to crack. this mornins readin clearly states that w/out humility, an alcoholic cannot live to any useful purpose or have an ability to summon the faith needed. i had to have no other way left to be able to try to control my drinkin. no emotional means, no physical or material means, nor anybody else willin to sign my blank checks of ill motives, lies, and deception. i had to give up center stage and it simply means i no longer run the show. i had to learn how to sit my ass down and honestly, meaningfully, listen to another, and then, unbelievably, DO, what they said w/out argument or contempt. and even if i did have argument or contempt, doin it was the key to start growin any kind of humility. it meant i couldnt do it and play da martyr or victim. it meant an honest deeply centered attempt. i could have never done w/out takin the baby steps to get where i am years later. listenin to my HP through others ive been able to amass peace of mind which provides others and myself, forgiveness, hope, and love. on my knees i get to be of service to my HP and others without a mind to get somethin from em other than personal peace of mind and self-freedom. humility. today i get to open each day with a quiet period in which i say a little prayer, askin God to help me through the day. i get to be rescued by my great rescuer, whom will certainly do this and even more. i get to humbly live the change. i get to keep with a direct contact, so i may continue to build relationships with humble communication. i get to sacrifice. i got da balls i didnt have before my recovery began. 1 day @ a time...